This is a story for when it's flat. Typically in Santa Cruz the flat season is during the Summer months. My buds and I get progressively more itchy for waves, ANY waves. We search the web for indicators of incoming swell. We dream about surf trips to places with waves. We tell each other email stories of past sessions when the waves were plentiful. We stare at pictures of surf and wish we were there.

Today's tale came about during an email exchange in the midst of a horrendous flat spell several years ago in Santa Cruz. It started as a discussion of surf contests that are often held in small to non-existent waves. In such a contest it's a challenge to even catch three waves in a heat.

Recently, I developed the technology necessary to make this tall tale a reality. During a flat day at Rincon in August, 2002, I tried my invention for the first time. The pictures you see here are the evidence that you really can get as small as the surf. By this means you can surf double overhead waves even when the surf is miniscule.

Legendary Mike started it with this email:

"... I'm browsing through my new Surfer (magazine) and what do I see but an advertisement for The OP Pro Boat Trip Challenge June 5-20 in the Mentawai Islands. The place will never be the same. $65,000 winner take all. Pretty wild."

Mr. Low Profile answered:

"I saw that a while back. The concept sounds great. No spectators but it should make great TV. It's better than slugging it out in 2 ft blown out slop at Fugiwhatchahoozit, Japan."

Taking up the challenge, DogMan riffed on the theme:

"Ah... I remember the last contest at Fugiwhatchahoozit, Japan, maybe you do too. They had Duke Kahanamoko, Rabbit Kekai, MR, Tom Curren, Kelly Slater, Greg Knoll, Corky Carrol, Eddie, and Flea all in the same contest.

"Surf was triple over ankle, but luckily they had the machine from that movie "Honey, I Shrunk the Kids." The judges put all the contestents and their boards through the machine to take them down to 6 inches tall each. They had to put special magnifying lenses on all the cameras, but after that conditions were like a macking day at Sunset.

"Flea went over the falls during his heat, and a passing tourist who was wading in the shin-deep water stepped on his board and smashed it good. Kelly got barreled so deep they had to pry him out of the tube with a tire iron. MR looked more like a hummingbird than an albatross. Duke showed everyone what soul surfing is all about by riding a popsicle stick. Greg Knoll paddled further out than anyone else and rode "third reef" Fujiwhatchahoozit, a micro bar about 6 feet out from the shore. Eddie paddled straight for the horizon, and they are still looking for him.

"Finally Curren pulled an extreme floater on a beach closeout and came down on dry sand. A sand crab chased him around and around on the beach until a seagull swooped down and plucked him off the beach and ate him. They had to shoot the seagull and slice open his belly to get Tom out of there. Judges decided that maneuver was worth a perfect 10, so Current won the prize, which was a teeny tiny check for 40000000000000000000 yen. In those days that was worth about 37 cents in US money.

"As far as I know, that's the last contest ever held at Fugiwhtchahoozit, Japan. But you can still see an ocasional photo from the event in the surf mags."

I don't plan to shrink the surfer very often, but its a strategy that can be used when all else fails. Don't be surprised someday to see a teeny tiny surfer paddling out to catch a teeny tiny wave at your favorite break.

CU Out There,

DogMan